Long time no.. write?

OH HEY GUYS! It has been quite a minute.

I believe I had an epiphany, at about 2:30 am when I randomly re-discovered my blog posts from the past. I've been a lazy piece of shit this last month. I haven't been to the gym in about 3 weeks now, gained about 20 lbs back, and did absolutely nothing yesterday but lie in bed eating pizza and watch Parks and Recreation, only moving to use the bathroom. 
SO, I decided writing like I used to and getting it all out on paper, er, computer, would help me cope with this bullshit called adulthood. I mean, I know no one gives two fucks, and we all go through our shit, but at least I might help someone out there. At least give someone a few laughs, I don't know.

My depression has been kicking my ass lately, mainly because I've been without my medication (because you know, being an adult is the worst and you have to have insurance and go to Dr appointments and such), so I've been a little irritable, a lot of a bitch, and my high's and low's are so off balance, I don't even know if I'm crying or laughing anymore. [Seriously, my poor boyfriend.. he's always so confused, bless his heart.]
I took my sleeping pill and finally tried to go to sleep, wondering what ever happened and why I suffer from this horrible monster called Anxiety, and woke up a semi-whole new person today. (I get my pills back Thursday, so I'll at least try my best to not rip anyone else's head off until then)

Of course, most people don't know what someone is really going through until you really know them. I'm a happy-go-lucky girl, who works her ass off doing what she does best and has the best friends and family that I wouldn't trade for the world. Why would I of all people suffer from depression? Why do I have these lower than low moments?
I kick myself when I'm down, pout and throw pity parties, cry over literally nothing, and have random ass anxiety attacks just because my body wants to. I am my own worst enemy, and I hide it from the world because I dislike that side of myself very much. Some of my closest friends don't even know what's going through my head because, lets be honest, I don't even understand it. How could they?

THEN, I have these reassuring moments out of nowhere.. "What the fuck Lindsey, get off your ass and get shit done"  -- "Who are you? This isn't you!" -- "There are people suffering worse than you, get over it" -- "DROP AND GIVE ME 50 YOU LAZY BITCH" --Just kidding about that last one, but you get it. 
It's like I have this little voice in my subconscious mind (that's normal, right?) sassy as ever, that has to break out of her comfort zone every so often and slap my ass around a little bit. I am completely okay with that.

So without further ado, I would like to welcome myself back to the blogging world. [applause] I will try to write as much as I can, happy or sad, and get my life back on track. Healthy lifestyle, current obsessions, inspiration, and I even want to start some film work, as well as finally starting my Youtube channel on makeup looks and other girly shit. (I've had a channel since 2009 and have never posted once.. its time.) 

If you want to follow along, you're more than welcome to. If I'm just talking to myself like I usually do, that's okay too.

<3

XOXO
Lindsey Ellen