time to get deep.

i am newly single. its been about 3-4 weeks now, and i feel okay. most of the time.

i just don't understand love, it can be one of the best feelings in the world, but it can also be the one of the worst.

i broke up with him, and of course i still love him.. but i need something new. i HATE routine life, and this entire year was all about it. i overworked myself, looked and felt like crap all the time.. lost a lot of friends because i was either working or sleeping, i wasn't happy with myself, or relationship, and i became very very lazy. (when i had the chance)

time for some change in 2012. its going to be all about ME! of course i'm sad, but when one door shuts, another always opens. and i'm ready for anything. i always have been, but for years now i feel like i haven't accomplished anything at all. besides moving out and getting my own place. yet something was still missing.. there was just something that felt like it was holding me back. i am not blaming anyone for anything, not even myself. i'm just content with being alone.

i've been in relationships all my life, long term.. and haven't ever really lived yet. all of my friends went through their break ups, and dated around, and had their party stages. well, this girl didn't, and i believe i am going through it now. this is so new to me! 

my friends are in college, having the time of their lives, and i am already done with school, and have been for 4 years now. i have a career, and i just want to focus on building up my business even more.. while having equal parts of fun. i deserve it. 

i've worked really hard this whole year, i made really good money and ended up having minor health issues from overworking myself! its time i think about myself for once, i am way too loyal. i have many many goals to accomplish and i am so young.. life is too short to be miserable. 

no matter how bad things get, they always get better. sometimes i may need a little push, but i am so independent that i feel like i can almost do it myself. 

i've gained many new friends and clients this year, made a lot of money, i have my own place, and i am actually having fun for once. i'm just content with things right now. i want to focus on MY life, and MY work. it sounds really selfish, but for once.. i think its a good thing.

why should i have to worry about what others think? people are so nosy, and i understand it was a big shock.. but if anything, we're closer from it. i shouldn't have to worry about what people say or think about me, i know im not doing anything wrong. i can do what i want, where i want, its my life.

the only thing i'll ever be in love with, is change.


xoxo
lindsey ellen