deep.

im more alive now than i have been all day, my creative juices are flowing.. 

yet its the middle of the night, and im at chris' house.

i have nothing with me, and i haven't even showered yet today.. grose.

i've literally sat here on this computer all day. how pathetic! i hate sitting around doing nothing, even when im sick i feel like i need to be up and doing something.. i can hardly sit still anymore. yet i still feel so lazy.. ?

im in one of those moods again.. a blah mood, yet i'm still being inspired at times.

i dont really know how to explain it.

ive went shopping online and spent $200 already today.. so that made me feel a little better. :p

idk, i just dont feel the same anymore.

im not.. lindsey.

its amazing how you wake up one day and feel completely different, like you changed over night while you were sleeping.

thats how i feel everyday now.

but its not necessarily good changes.. i mean, i feel like ive grown wiser the past year or so, 
but i just dont feel like me!
i've had so many people tell me lately "are you okay? you dont seem like yourself"
people worry about me, chris notices everyday.. and i agree. i am not myself anymore.
and i dont know what happened.. im just living my life, not trying to do anything any different, i just changed.
i work everyday, hardly get a break. i dont even work out anymore.. ive let myself go, completely.


im stressed, always late where ever i go, hardly wear makeup anymore.. never do anything with my hair.
i wake up late everyday, cant stick to my word, im unorganized, emotional, and i drink more often.
something is definitely wrong. but i honestly cant pin point what it is.. 
i have an amazing boyfriend (who should be told more often), i love both my jobs and make good money, i live for makeup, hair and fashion.. so why cant i act like it? 


i look through old pictures and videos of me and friends and i was so different. always on top of things, always smiling and having a great time. just, living.


now i work everyday, no days off.. no time to work out, no time to hang out, i dont even know what a weekend is anymore.
i hardly see chris, and when i do im aggrivated cause i just want to sit around.. and then feel bad.

im lazy.



i feel trapped. my whole life ive just wanted to accomplish so much, and i feel like i havent gotten anywhere.
i want to go back to school, i want to move to the city, i want to own a nice car for once, i want my own freaking room!! i'm so crammed and feel like i'm not allowed to do anything..
i'm not free.
but it's not like anyone's holding me back, i'm holding myself back. and i dont know why.. ?!
i live for change, i need change all the time. i'm the type of person who gets bored very easily,
i'm constantly thinking of new ideas, im outside the box while everyone else is inside. im an open book. 
so why am i afraid of moving forward? i am so independent, but do i really want to grow up?
i know its a part of life, but i dont understand why im so stuck.

ive always dreamed of moving to the city, and working for a big runway/fashion industry.
i want to do big crazy hair and bright, bold makeup. i want to create outfits and shoes, be a photographer AND model, maybe even open up my own business. so why cant i just do it?



i need inspiration, but it needs to come from within.. and i haven't found that missing puzzle piece yet.

im sick of being plain ol' boring lindsey. i want to live again!
i've been working myself sick lately, but theres nothing i can do.. i need money to live!
im burnt out, sluggish, and boring. this isn't me, and it needs to change. ASAP.

"There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream."  -author unknown

 

"in order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different."

-coco chanel

xoxo

lindsey ellen

obsessed.

well..

ive currently been obsessed with;
studs, wedges, feathers, nude, and anything floral.

i want all of these!!

 

alexander mcqueen <3

 love it!

 

these are interesting.. 

 floral heels are in this spring! perfect :]

“Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world."
— Bette Midler

"When I feel bad I like to treat myself.
Clothes never look any good... food just makes me fatter... shoes always fit." 

-in her shoes

<3<3<3

xoxo

lindsey ellen

for all you single ladies out there

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

i absolutely love this holiday.

just because of the fact that its all about love.

 

i know a lot of people could care less for valentines day,

but most of the time its just because they arent with someone.

well, i dont think valentines day is about having a significant other.

its about loving yourself, and all of the people in your life.

showing affection to everyone, not just a boyfriend or husband.

you dont have to be taken to be happy ..

all you have to do is have an "all about me day" !!

if i was single, actually.. even if i weren't single, this is what i would do..

sit around all day in your cute little undies and do nothing.

or make appointments with friends to get your hair and nails done,

go shopping, buy yourself a big bouquet of roses and LOTS of chocolate.

bake cupcakes, cookies, and make chocolate covered everything.

pamper yourself, its okay to take a day off and think of yourself for once.

 

 

(i looooove candy hearts!)

 

cutest cupcake roses ever.

"you must love yourself before you love another, by accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy."

you want to meet the love of your life? look in the mirror.

be happy ladies, someone is always thinking of you.. you just might not know it yet.

xoxo

lindsey ellen

Just some advice..

 

Every New Year's, I say I'm going to lose some weight, and it seems like I just pile on more. The truth is, I'm happy with my weight. I love my curves and the way my body looks. If anything, I 'd just like to tone up. It seems like guy's always go for the same thing; skinny. To them, its either fat or thin. Whatever happened to being healthy? If you believe in yourself, you can do anything you want.

I've just been really sick of hearing people criticize each other over looks, its always over that one thing; weight. If I told everyone I was 165 lbs, and a size 10 in jeans, you probably wouldn't even believe me. Well guess what, its true. Come on guys, your weight is just a number. I honestly don't even own a scale.. and I sure as hell walk right past it at the gym. I never look at pant sizes when shopping, I go by fit. 
 

Also, what's up with all this HCG crap? Now I wont tell a lie, when it first came out, I bought some offline.. Started taking the 6 drops, 3 times a day.. blah blah blah.. it didn't do a thing. Then I decided to research it, and it makes me sick to see these doctors actually advertise it. Shed 30 lbs in 30 days? Only eating 500 calories a day? No thanks, that is disgusting and I like my cheeseburgers. I really don't feel the need to starve and drop that much weight in so little time. What happens when you gain it all back? Or you have flab? Gross.

Seriously, if you want to lose weight, just eat healthy and work out. It's as simple as that. I get so sick of hearing bigger girls talk about how they need to lose weight, or even skinny girls saying they need to. I used to be guilty of it too, but then I realized.. We are all different, different is good. If we all looked and acted the same, this world would be boring as hell!

My goal isn't to weigh 130 like I did in high school, it's to stay in shape so I'm not winded walking up the damn steps. I eat healthy, and I go to the gym 2-3 times a week. I rarely eat fast food, I drink plenty of water, and I don't drink soda. No, I am not a health nut and I don't count calories, I just love my healthy foods. Soy milk, tofu, hummus, and any kind of fruit or veggie-- I love it all. I feel great, and I know I look great.. and if you're confident and work hard to get where you want.. You'll get there, it just takes time. :]

xoxo

lindsey ellen

this year's haircolor; pastel!

Every year there's that one hair color that everybody has to have.
This year; that color is pastel!

I've been noticing it all over the place!

Celebrities including Kelly Osbourne, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga,

Audrey Kitching and even the Olsen Twins have all been rocking it!
Chanel has it all over the runway, and now its all over the streets!
Purple's, blue's, pink and even yellow.. 

you don't have to be platinum to rock it, brunettes can do it too!
Cover your whole head, or just do simple little pieces. It's simple yet still noticeable.

I myself think it is a very sophisticated look, while still having a little bit of edge to it.
I just might have to try it out! :]

   

have fun with this one!

xoxo

lindsey ellen